How To Start A Conversation With A Girl – Part 2

Continued from part 1.

Second Stage – Zeroing in on some commonality through testing, exploration, trial and error, and keen observation. In other words, you’ll be fishing around for something in common. When she’s talking, pay close attention and listen very carefully to what she says and how she says it.

Listen, watch, and note the body language. You’re looking for a common topic that you’ll both find interesting. If her emotion picks up or she talks a great deal about something, then you’ll know that she has an interest or is passionate about the topic.

Try disclosing something about yourself and look for any indication of interest. Watch to see which of your words cause her eyes to light up. Your discussion topic may not interest her but it may touch on topics that do.

For instance, you may be talking about whale watching in Alaska and notice that she doesn’t seem to care about whales or Alaska. But you do notice that her eyes lit up at the mention of the ocean cruise ship that you took to get there. This is your cue to forget the Alaskan whales and to talk about ocean cruise ship vacations in general.

You need to be flexible and allow the conversation to go in whatever direction her words and reactions take it. Remember, you’re fishing for common interests, so don’t fixate on one topic.

Third Stage – Making a connection at a deep level. If you make it this far, you’ve just earned her real phone number or (as the case may be) a second date with her. At this point you are going deeper into the interests and passions that you both want to talk about.

You will want to home in on values and beliefs. On your sense of who you are and her sense of who she is. What things matter the most? You can even ask her “What do you feel is most important about such and such?”

Your first conversation with a stranger is something that you should take charge of. It doesn’t have to be hit or miss. You shouldn’t leave it to chance or to the other person that something will take hold and develop.

Be careful to keep the conversation a 50-50 exchange. Always be aware of the give and take process of a conversation. Give too much and you’re dominating the conversation and the other person feels they can’t get a word in at all. You become a bore.

Take too much and the conversation becomes an interrogation. You’ll also come across as being secretive, as someone who doesn’t want to talk about himself.


What Do Women Want In A Man?

It’s easy to see why so many guys are confused and clueless about what women really look for in a man. Women sometimes voice a desire for one type of man but then actually choose the opposite type for their mate.

Why is this? The answer is that when women communicate their ideal man, they are expressing a well thought out opinion. This opinion is formulated in the thinking part of the brain. It draws on their past experiences and balances out a lot of pro’s and con’s. It’s logical and makes a lot of sense.

But the mechanism of attraction isn’t based on logic. It’s based on “chemistry”, on how a man makes a woman feel. Men are guilty of this too when it comes to the type of women that arouse us. These subconscious motivators are very powerful.

A woman may say that she wants a guy that listens to what she has to say. But then she chooses a man that dominates the conversation. Or maybe she wants a guy with a good sense of humor, but dates a man with big muscles or a man with lots of money.

While being a good listener is a great skill for keeping a relationship healthy, you can’t have a relationship until you’ve succeeded in attracting her interest in you as a sexual entity.

As you know, the reason for the attraction between men and women is to propagate our species. Getting pregnant may be the last thing on her mind when she sizes up a man. But the attraction that she feels is a subconscious search for a good father for her children. Back when we were all hunter/gatherers, a good father was a someone who could provide for his mate and his children. This was a man who had the strength and confidence to bring home the bacon, not someone who listened to his mate.

Women need men who are good providers, men who can ensure stability for her babies. For this reason a financially secure man has a better chance of landing a woman than an unemployed man.

A woman also needs to perceive that a man will be generous with his resources. A man that’s skillful at the hunt but refuses to share the food with his family makes for a poor mate. That’s why the giving of gifts has always been a part of the courtship ritual. A generous man is a good provider. This could very well be the origin the engagement ring tradition. It demonstrates that a man has the resources and the willingness to share it with his mate and her children.

So before you can have a relationship, you must succeed in attracting her first. In those first minutes of meeting a new woman, you’ll need to display that you’re a confident, healthy, strong, powerful male. This is what women really want in a man. This triggers that initial animal attraction that evolution has wired into her

How to Get a Girl to Fall in Love with You

There are plenty of rules and advice for getting a girl to fall in love with you. This is not about those rules and advice. This article focuses on basic concepts that can be used to strengthen a girl’s feeling of love for you. It is love, after all, so allow this to be more of a fluid guideline.

Open your eyes. Women are everywhere and many women are looking to fall in love. If you want a girl out there to fall in love with you, chances are a girl wants someone out there to fall in love with her. Don’t get hung up on having one particular girl fall in love with you – maybe the feelings just aren’t there! Your chances of making a girl fall in love are better if you get to know more girls, and give their love a chance to blossom, than if you try to “force” love on a girl who just isn’t feeling it.
Don’t set expectations. Become like a romantic Buddha. Become desireless. Practice non-attachment. Expect nothing from the girl. This is not to say don’t want the girl, it is just don’t expect the girl to want you in return (which means you cannot be disappointed, only pleasantly surprised). Love thrives in the absence of pressure (in the form of neediness and clinginess).
Letting go of your expectations will also help you relax, which will make you more appealing to a girl than if you are uptight and worried.
For an example of “romantic Buddhism”, see How to Sweep a Girl off Her Feet.

Show her how lovable you are. People don’t seem to systematically decide who they fall in love with. It often comes with time, and in that time you need to show the girl that you are worth being around. This is the fun part! The only way this will work, though, is if you believe, on at least some level, that you are lovable and worth being around. It’s very difficult to fall in love with someone who thinks badly of themselves.

Give her space. This step can be looked at in many ways and can get distorted easily. It isn’t about playing hard-to-get. The point is to give the girl the control of what happens next. This step isn’t about ignoring her so SHE has to call you, or avoiding long conversations with her to torment her into loving you. Just allow her to live her life outside you. Allow her to see a movie without you. Allow her to be without you and she will then decide to love you on her own terms.
If you’re shy, you might end up giving her too much space. You still need to express your interest in her (flirt with her, touch her, and when the time is right, kiss her). Just don’t smother her. Give her some time to reflect on those moments and realize how awesome they were.
Find out what she likes and do it with her. If she’s into museums, take her to one she hasn’t been to and have a tour guide take you through the history. If she likes hiking find a trail that you two can spend the day walking. If she wants to travel overseas, save up so that you two can make the trip. Or maybe she likes something more modest like going to the library to read once a week. Whatever she’s into you should encourage her and do them with her. This will show her that you support her ambitions and goals and she’ll appreciate your company. Even if you don’t like doing it, the fact that you like her is why you should do it. It isn’t always about you. Unless it’s something you are totally against (like going to see every new scary movie that comes out), you should at least either offer to go with her or plan to do the things she likes with her.

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